Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Some kids are more difficult, that never really changes

Driving back from picking a friend up at the airport and Kaio's screaming in a tantrum.  My kid-less friend looks at me, stunned by the beast in the back, "You're a saint." Comes out of her as an empty attempt at reassurance.  Got me thinking: because I haven't dropped him off on any church steps or violently shaken him yet?  

I'm not a saint at all, he's just insane.  And I'm weighted by this more in the last few days as he's caught a cold and that aggravates his emotional behaviors.  And I'm realizing this is just how he is: a very emotional child and that's always going to make my mothering job much more difficult and frustrating.

Today we tried out a music class.  I wasn't planning on taking Kaio cause I knew that he would hate the sensory integration aspect.  But he insisted that he wanted to go and promised not to 'freak out.'  So I brought him with us and some toys for him to play with on the sidelines.  

Well, at least he was only the second most disruptive kid in the class.  The first being the boy of a girl/boy twins pair.  This toddler stomped around the room stealing other kids' toys, crying, throwing tantrums and knocking over little girls.  I looked around the circle, all the other kids were sitting quietly next to their parent (mom).  There was another pair of twins the same age hovering gently around their mama, blissfully following all the teacher's directions.  My boy was spread out laying on the floor trying to steal the attention of the class by moaning.  

I looked at this poor beautiful mama chasing after her pair of two year olds.  I really felt the unfairness of it all and how she must blame herself for his wild behavior.  I thought about commenting to her something like, "My son was just like that too, hang in there."  But then glanced at Kaio in the corner: flat on the floor moaning for attention and making hissing sounds every time I tried to give him some.  I thought that might not help her feel better at all.

After the class another mother passed by her and said, "Don't worry it will get easier."
I know that she was trying to be nice and it's true in many ways that parenting does get easier with time.  But I also knew, from experience, that some kids are just much more difficult and that never really changes.  Well, it should change when they mature (crossing my fingers).

Looking at her sweet exhausted face, seeing her good heart breathing through all the apologies for the trouble her kids were making, I realized that a good mom can only do so much.  Like our genes define how outgoing we are or how risk adverse we are, this boy was more prone to explore and play tough.  

My kid climbs on top of the playground while other kids climb on it.  This week my kid was the only one who said "No" when the Lego robotics teacher asked the class if they had fun.  Tonight he sat at another empty table at the restaurant instead of joining us for dinner.

And it's his super rebellious, super attention craving personality.  Hopefully my nurturing and love help him be a better person.  But it sure does get exhausting and frustrating, especially during the weeks when he's under the weather.

chapped lips from the January bug
Akkk. Just gotta love him so much though

Before catching cold

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