And it happens, AGAIN! despite such a freggin great new schedule with my work, I'm feeling that itch. It just isn't right. This isn't the life for me. My 30th birthday is creeping up. So that is driving me for a loop. Today at work we had a Town Hall Meeting, a quarterly event when the CEO speaks about the direction of the company. A couple of the executive women in the company gave short presentations as well. I had a moment looking at them, thinking, that could be me. Or, that will be me if I stick around here. They seem powerful and collected. I admire them but I don't see them as mentors. I have no desire to stay on this track. So what am I doing here?!
I got off of work early and drove to my old house from highschool. My dad sold it in 2004. I dream about it often.
The driveway that my dad had aways kept so smooth and shiny is ridden with potholes. I knocked on the door. No one home. A container of bubble juice on the front steps, all the lights in the house were left on in total disregard for conservation. I try not to judge them and trust that they have their own reasons. So I walked through the backyard - totally trespassing on their property but feeling slightly legit since this used to be my house. The club house and swings my grandfather built were gone. Deeper into the woods the treehouse that my brother started to build remains. I get down to the creek behind the house and everything looks the same. I'm totally overwhelmed by memories of playing on the banks, wading in the creek, imagining being stranded on an island, smoking pot with my friends; so many good times back there. And it is beautiful in that unique unkempt and untamed way. I started questioning my life. Why don't my kids have this nature to play in? Why do we have toys and playgrounds when what we really need is a creek in the woods?
I snapped a couple photos with my crappy cell phone. I took one of the treehouse and sent it to my bro. As I was walking back up the path I kept hoping the new residents would come home so I could tell them how magical a place that creek is, just in case their kids don't know.
Then crazy me wrote them a letter: Hi, Sorry to bother you. I used to live in your house... I'm turning 30...I want to take pictures at the creek behind the house in October... I hope that's ok... Let me know if it is not.
I left my business card attached to the letter and stuck it in the mailbox.
I have no idea what kind of people they are. I worded the crazy letter very nicely so hopefully if they do call the police, the judge will be understanding!
Then at night, over a bottle of wine, I bring it up with Mari, "I want to quit my job."
"Ok I support you."
"And I want to move to British Columbia and live on an island and you can brew beer and I can find something to do."
Mari: "I just want you to know that I'm happy here and I like the life we have. Can we wait until we sell the house?"
and so the conversation went. The same conversation that we have every few months as I decide that I'm still not happy with my job and want to change scenery. Mari is completely content with his regular job in suburbia for the rest of his life. I'm constantly searching for something different. A job in the State Department would be perfect for me because my attention span for location only lasts 2 years.
We are taking a road trip out west in a week. I'm sure that he will fall in love with the West Coast and we will start making plans to move out there....