Monday, August 16, 2010

Lost from Clarity

The more time a spend with LittleMan, the less concerned I am with his development and the more I question the advice of experts.  I know it's awful for me to defy the authorities on children.  I am definitely no expert. And I know that I am probably being over protective and practicing favoritism because he is my kid.  But, I see him progress everyday.  He talks with more words and uses his imagination.
I know he has trouble with things.  I mean, I know that he is very different from other kids.  He doesn't speak as well, doesn't have reciprocal conversations, doesn't concentrate on tasks or wipe his butt after pooping.  But he is so well intentioned, loving, cute, and adorable. I just don't think that there is anything 'wrong' with him.
I have seriously spent the last two days thinking about his County services 'evaluation,' practically non stop.  Yesterday, I read the report that the psychologist and social worker wrote.  They did not mention how well he scored on the non-verbal tests.  Which makes me wonder: were they just saying that he did well to give me a 'silver lining,' or are they refraining from mentioning how well he scored because it would make him less eligible for county services?  Either way I would like to know the answer.  I don't like being appeased to make their job less harsh.  And I also don't like lying to the county to qualify for services that he may not need.
I am struggling with accepting that his psychological differences is something that needs to be treated.  Basically that is is comparable to physical manifestations of illness.  Does he need splints/therapy for his brain?
I have friends that have told me depression is the same as any other ailment and therefore warrants medication for life.  I just have a tough time with this because I feel like our brains are more adaptable than our bodies.  This is not confirmed by science, but it is my personal faith.
In Neurological-Physiology class in college I learned there is no evidence that a neuron in the brain will ever grow back after it is severed: like a limb it is gone for life. But..... I just don't believe that.  What else can I say.  I'm like one of those Catholics that thinks we mounted dinosaurs!
When I told his daycare provider about the county evaluation, she said that she felt something was wrong and that is why she pushed me to get him tested early.  I realize that she loves him and wants the best for him.  I mean, I truly believe that she knows more than I do about what is worrisome behavior.  But I am having a very tough time with this process.  I want to help him enjoy life and be successful, but don't want to push him to be 'average.'
My intuition says he is ok some days and says he needs help others.  Without a decoder, I will just continue searching, both at home and with the 'professionals.'

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