Yin and Yang of Teaching

"Do I smell something burning?"  Mariano rushed to the kitchen.  The water had evaporated under the veggies I was attempting to steam.  My first thought: he only gets up from that video game to criticize me.  But I knew that wasn't fair, or true.  It was one of those days.

I finished making the food.  "Come on guys, lets eat."

Only one of the three of them acknowledges me, to say, "No yuck, I don't want any dinner."

I didn't have the energy to be funny or cute or playful and pry everyone away from their interests to have a family dinner.  So I just said, "Fine, if that is the kind of family that you want to have, I'll just eat by myself."
But I don't think anyone noticed.  I sat to eat.  Shortly then started getting requests for help with things.  That's no fun, to be interrupted from dinner to get up and help someone with something stupid.  And if you decline or say something like, "When I finish eating."  The whining tide begins to rise.

I'm focused on my food and Mari notices that the little girl has been painting herself and tasting water color.  I tossed her in the bath and decided to check out for a bit.  Closed the door to the room and belly flopped on the bed.

You know the sign for yin and yang?  The black half with the white dot in the middle and the white half with the black dot in the middle.  That symbolizes that within yin there is yang and vice-versa.  Within happiness there will be sadness or pain.  When things are going really well, something bad is bound to happen.  When things are going really crummy, a silver lining will shine through.  That's the law of yin and yang.  As good as I've been feeling in general lately, I completely expect to have bad days and times.

In this case it was a bad couple days.  Yesterday I went to bed questioning my parenting.  My kids don't know how to count, don't know their address, their birth dates, the days of the week.  They don't have interest in these things and I don't push them.  They turn on the tv and watch shows I think are dumb (like Barney) and I don't stop them cause it gives me a breather to study acupuncture.  I started to wonder if I could really be a teacher for them or if I'm too lazy, unprepared, self absorbed, and clueless.  But I also started to feel like the schedule we're operating under with them going to preschool a couple days a week and classes on other days is interfering with our active learning.  I started searching on the internet for ideas of what I could do to add more structure and learn how to teach them the things they need to know.  What are these things they need to know?  What's the process for raising a knowledgeable kid?

But it's all so much bigger than my little brain can handle.  I gave up and went to bed.

Today I hoisted myself off the bed, determined to reconnect with my idea of quality time.


I kept Kaio home from preschool and took him to the site where they're building the new metro station.  I can't believe it's been three years of construction and we haven't visited here yet.  The vastness of the site blew me away.

I brought our Lego Education book with pictures of pulleys and gears he's been using in his Lego creations and tried to point out other machines that use them too.  I noticed that if I talked too much or asked too many questions, it'd aggravate him.  So in general we just watched.  I think it planted a seed of interest and recognition, the link between his Lego devises and the real world of big machines.

And man walked by us and took the time to say, "You know he'll never grow out of it: the fascination with machines."

As I was fixing lunch, the kids teamed up with the Lego Education kit.  Kaio built a gyroscope and then wrote a program to activate the motor and launch it.  Nala would play and stop the program with the computer mouse while he held the top.  They did this totally on there own and I was so impressed.

They kept playing and playing, I called them to eat lunch.  They didn't want to come.  I let it slide for a while but eventually started to get firmer about them sitting with me.  I didn't have the energy to be playful about it.  I resorted to threats.

Kaio looked at me, "Mom don't be mad, do you need a hug?  Let me hug you."

Both kids came over and wrapped around me.  Nala planted a kiss on my check, then Kaio.  We got up and they followed me to the table.

I realized they're modeling me.  Since I've started studying yoga, I've really calmed down in how I handle situations.  Fights rarely escalate the way they used to.  When Kaio or Nala start erupting, I'll offer them a hug and comfort instead of getting sucked into the drama.
The ripple effects of my attitude adjustment.  Amazing.

It was a beautiful warm day out.  We went to the playground for some exercise.  And I love these little munchkins.

Then the evening.  Nala watched her beloved TV while Kaio and I played Angry Birds game.

There's a point system involved and I tried to show him how 200 + 100 = 300 points.  Meh, he didn't care too much about the addition.  But he humored me for a split second and then back to demolishing pigs' houses.  At least he's interested in something cool.

So I guess I still don't know what I'm doing or what success looks like.  But I imagine that every teacher feels a little lost at some point.  And that even the most touted road map wouldn't work for every kid.  So you've got to feel things out as you go along and respond accordingly.  I just wish I had some guidance or a guru to go to and trust, someone to help explain the art of raising kids.

Well, till then...  I'll continue trying my best to keep them on the right track.  Whatever that means!

Little Girl Dreams

"Mama, we were in the jungle and I pressed the button and turned you into a boy."

That was the first thing she said Thursday morning, a dream I assume.  She's been repeating it throughout the last few days.  So I guess it was pretty vivid. 

February. No more naps for my baby.  So we've been taking afternoons outside while Kaio is at school.  Trying to burn off some of that endless energy.

Moments that make me want to have a Billion Babies

A full day of birthday party, eating half a dozen bite size vegan cupcakes, playing with snow in the bath tub, and making Valentine's cards to mail.  I finally had rounded up the little munchkin with endless energy into her bed.  She asked me to join her in the sweetest way possible and I climbed in, thinking that if the world ended tomorrow the dolor of living eternity knowing I'd turned a steel heart would be more unbearable than a few minutes of snuggling with my girl.  

Nala clasped my hand with her little tootsie roll size fingers, "Mama, I wreewy love you."

Then Kaio crashed the party and climbed in bed with us.  "Can I sleep with you?"

He slid on top of me, with his head on my heart.
A minute passed like that.

Then Nala repositioned, "Mom, we both want to sleep with you." She said with a smile.

She picked up her pillow and moved to the foot of the bed, sweeping Kaio over with her.  He's heavy so he went on his own accord.  She tackled him with a big hug and pulled a blanket around them.
"Kaio, I wreewy love you."

The giggles.

She might have been strangling him with a choke hold but he giggled away and she tickled.  They wiggled in place like two cubes of jello wrapped in a soft taco, sitting atop a washing machine.

"Kaio, you're my toy!"

"I'm not a toy, I'm a boy!"

Giggles giggles giggles and I couldn't possibly break it up.

Two piggies in a blanket.  She squeezed her arms around him.

"Hahaha!  Nala thinks I'm a teddy bear!"

These are the moments that make me want to have a billion babies.

Teach Me to Smile Really Big

Nala wrapped her fingers around a long grass frond bouncing in the wind and pulled with all her toddler might.  The long wintered yellow grass broke from the stem with a crunchy noise.  She giggled, joy bursting from the points of her cheeks like shimmering sun beams.

She pointed the frond fluff down at the ground, "I'm going to tickle my rocks."
and she waved the grass around the heavy white landscape rocks, one of which she'd colored with blue marker the day before.

"Tickle tickle!"
More giggles.

The wind blew her hair back from her face and she flashed me an eruptive smile.  I stood in the front doorway wondering where all this joy comes from and how on earth it's possible for someone to be so genuinely happy.  So unashamed and flirty.

It seems like as we get older we begin to selectively tame our emotions around others and not let those smiles get too big.

Timid we may scare someone away with our wild emotions.  

Paranoid we may make someone fall in love with us.  

Apprehensive we may make someone jealous of our happiness.   

Prudent to let loose too much.  

Afraid that if you let something too good happen, something bad will follow.

The kids don't know all those things yet, so they just smile.

And tickle big rocks.

And those rocks laugh back and she hears them.

I hope someday I'm pure enough to hear them too.

Mom, Can You Make Legs for the Dolphin to Dance?

A while ago, I ran into my art teacher from high school.

"Are you still doing art?" Ted asked.

"Just marker drawings with my kids." I said, as if that didn't count.

"That's all I wanted to know, that my students are still doing art."

The kids' interest in clay has rekindled their parents' artistic creativity.  We sit down and sculpt things for them.    It took a bit of a push for both of us to sit down and get past the creativity block that we somehow built of dirty diapers, status reports, and grocery bags.  Art is a luxury in that time to make it and think about it can only be done when you're not busy bleakly surviving and keeping the kids alive.  It's a good thing the kids push us to take the time to focus on creativity and that we listen to them and play with them instead of pushing them away.

I brought home a bucket of 50 different shades colored clay yesterday.  Nala began squishing all the colors together into a giant ball.

"Nala, if you mix all the colors together then you wont have the one color you need to make something."

"But mama, I'm making the ocean."

That shut me up.  How could I stop her from building a beautiful coral reef.

I have a friend with lots of kid toys at her house and she takes much care to keep everything organized and perfect.  So much so that when Nala was playing with a pint size bin of little tiny soldiers my friend suggested only playing with one at a time, so as not to loose any.

Those are the types of things, I never think about.

My sister in law still has all her childhood toys in perfect condition.  Like, she has a bin with a dozen vintage Polly Pokets, including all the little polly figures and pets.  It's worth a couple hundred dollars if she were to sell on ebay.

She's generously gifted us a few toys.  Relics that have survived a generation of playing get obliterated at our house.  She knows that.  My kids marker all over dolls, drip paint all over trains, stuff colored clay in the mouths of figurines.  Toys are welled loved over here and I have no hope of ever selling anything on ebay.

Nala's favorite toy at the moment is a little pink dragon: a used dog toy with the stuffing ripped out and squeaker broken.  She loves her, sleeps with her at night and takes her to preschool. This ragged dragon won out over every fancy doll or stuffed animal she's ever been given.

Kaio's current comfort creature is the red angry bird. Some days he'll make one out of legos, last night clay was his medium.  He took it to bed and slept with him carefully nesting next to his pillow.

Nala doesn't sleep in a bed, she sleeps in a "nest."  A collection of blankets, toys, and pillows encircling her on the top bunk.

So that's us.  Living in imagination, defying the rules on how toys should be played with.

Entering the Season of Learning

What's the point of going to school?  If happiness and living in the moment is our true goal, then why spend money to enroll in school or stay up late studying and driving towards a different goal? Why plan for something?  Shouldn't we just enjoy where we are at, here and now, and not venture for more?  

As I'm diving into the deep ancient wisdom of the East, I'm realizing that all mothers seek a life of learning.  Some mothers teach and guide, some blossom in a career, some spend late nights researching parenting inspiration on the internet.  I believe all mothers intend to learn endlessly.  And it is this growth, though difficult at times, that enriches our individuality and contribution to the community and world.

This winter the family is all orienting towards knowledge.  

I'm studying Hatha yoga, acupuncture and Chinese herbology.

Mari's begun volunteering translating educational Khan Academy lessons to Portuguese.  Plus he's been involved in a guy's club for the last couple years that gathers to discuss philosophy and culture.

Kaio's started a Lego robotics course and likes it so much my mom wants to get him the homeschool kit.  

He also plays soccer on the weekends.

Nala's begun preschool and takes a weekly dance class and music class.

But today we all played hookie and enjoyed a rare 65 degree day in January.

The tree across the street that looks like a bridge.  Nala needed me to cross with her the first time.  The second time she asked for me to stand on the ground and hold her hand as she crossed, and the third time she crossed on her own with some help from branches.  No surprise Kaio danced and jumped on it with no fear.

Inside they shared a plate of strawberries.

Then the sun came out and we took off for Great Falls Park.

And they went bouldering.

Which started to freak me out.

Nala took a picture of me.

Inside the visitor center she found a phone. What is it with girls and phones?

Kaio found a spot for his angry bird lego.

And then we ran into a short lecture about a corn snake.  This one came from one albino parent.  When the ranger asked if we knew what the snake eats, Nala piped up in her tiny fast voice, "Baby birds."

He chuckled with surprise, "Yes they can eat baby birds, they can climb up a tree into the nest and eat them."

I'm amazed she remembers the sneaky snake who ate our baby quails.  I'm always amazed by what they remember, especially the things that happen when they're so young.

But really, I'm amazed by how much you can learn when you're not trying to learn at all.

Time with Kids is a Tremendous Gift

The kids often make a mess with legos on the floor, and not always want to clean them up when I want them up.  I remember the first time I knelt down to tidy them myself and actually loved it.  Why?

Because I realized I could do it!

I could just sit there and pick legos off the floor, instead of being pulled out of the moment by thoughts and paranoia around all the other things that needed to be caught up on.

Maybe I'm getting stupider or something, but I just adored picking those legos off the floor.  Time is a tremendous gift and I really treasure having more of it at home with the kids.  So much so, that I'm looking forward to the summer when preschool's out and we resume our day trips to DC and parks.

Picnicking in the kitchen