Granola Funk Mama: Chocolate Baby Being Totally Adorable and Other Things

It’s been over 7 months that I’ve been attached to this little smiley cacao bean.

She’s with me pretty much all the time, day and night. I sleep next to her and she still wakes up to nurse throughout the night. It’s fine, RIP full night sleep. I know it’s only a few years, and so I’m not wasting my energy fighting it. But I do really miss having a little bit of space, a little bit of alone time. I used to start my morning with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, reading a chapter of a book and staring at the lake. That really helped set the tone to my day.

I’m trying to “train” her to enjoy that peaceful quiet morning moment too. But it ain’t easy. She does give me about 5 minutes now. It’s not exactly the same, but it is nice.

So I started trying to find a nanny or daycare. I interviewed at least 3 people and visited 4 places, two in home and two day care centers. None of them seem perfect. But my gut is saying to give this Argentine grad student a try, so she’s coming on Monday. She’s only available 3 hours a day, but I think even that will be a good start for me to get a little bit of self care in one or two days a week, and focus on important tasks at work the other days. We’re opening two more locations, and launching new packaging, so there’s important items that I need to be able to pay attention to in order to review and oversee.

I realized a long time ago that it’s important for me to keep balanced and calm. If I start to crash out, then the whole family suffers. All the hormones, lack of sleep, and worrying about what the teenagers are doing, do not make that easy. Kaio and Nala have both been going through things this year. It’s been maybe the hardest year ever for them because of mean kids. Kaio lost a good, long time best friend, and Nala got attacked by girls at her school that she barely knew. As the fourth quarter of the school year starts now, they’re pulling through strong, but the situations have been immersive mentally. I know that challenges make us stronger, and they will look back at this year and have thicker skin because of it, but damn it’s been tough.

Kaio had senior prom and took pictures with his friend. They look great together!

Tori asked for a cell phone since she needed to take pictures on a school trip and text her friends. The new phones have better restrictions for tweens so she can't just download anything without me approving it, and it shuts down at night, or whenever I set the hours. So that's good. But still man, I hope I'm doing the right thing. She's been listening to lots of music and just generally turning into a teenager.

My dear friend Merlin came to town and we went on a cold boat ride on the lake. We're at the age now where parents are dying, partners are getting cancer, and everyone can complain about health problems and shit. That's life. But lucky I am to get to have people to hug for 30 years now.