Friday, December 9, 2011

My Evil Thoughts About His Teacher

I wish I was one of those accepting people who recognizes the divinity of everyone no matter their attitude.  But I'm just not.  Yet.  Can I vent for a sec?  I never do this.  But my rancid thoughts need to be dumped.  Thanks for being the dumping ground.

So Kaio's been in Special Ed preschool for a year now because he tested behind on a language test.  Since enrolling him I've wrestled with dueling emotions of gratuity and resentment.   It's great that he gets to attend a structured preschool for free with education specialists who work on enhancing skills he'll need in kindergarten. But it's not so great that I'm placing him in a classroom with other 'special' peers and subjecting him to observation and structure, which isn't really his cup of tea.

Most days he seems to like it and returns happy.  He learns songs and finger play games, does craft activities, etc.  So I haven't seriously considered taking him out.  But I still get this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm giving him a complex, making him feel different, calling him imperfect, and stuff like that.

It's not a huge deal though.  What's really bugging me is my evil thoughts about his teacher.

I know I should be infinitely grateful that she's nice and is choosing to spend her life caring for and helping children like my son with early intervention.

She has a son almost the same age as Kaio.  And it seems when we talk she always ends up slipping him into the conversation in some kind of comparison fashion, intending to show 'normal' behavior.   It feels like nails on a chalk board and I just want to freak out on her.

Like at his IEP meeting last year, the team asked me about my concerns and goals.

I said, "I'm not seeing him grasping the concept of time: like yesterday, tomorrow, today."

Teacher, "Well my son is the same age and he doesn't know those yet either."

ok.  That made me feel a little better.  But did you have to rub it in my face that you've got a son who does that and that must mean it is right.

It happened again, and again.

Me, "Kaio didn't want to go to school yesterday, I'm just wondering how things are going and if he is making friends with the other kids."

Teacher, "Oh yes he's doing great so far.  Even my son doesn't want to go to school some days."

And I'm thinking, even your normal son does that.  Well why don't you and your normal son go get married then.  Ok I know that your son is normal, but I don't appreciate you using him as the frame of reference.  I would prefer general comparisons rather than anecdotal.

And now the thing that really blew me was finding out her son would be one of the classroom community peers.  So Fridays he participates in the class, supposedly modeling appropriate behavior to the Special Kids.

Dude really?  When I heard that I first felt like being gagged with a spoon. And then I felt like snickering cause I cannot imagine it working.  Of course he's not going to follow mom's directions perfectly.  And  a mother/son dynamic distracting from my kid's special ed experience did not sound like a good plan.

And then in our last conference she brought him up again.

Me: "Does Kaio actually sit at circle time there?  Because he does not like to sit for circle at home if I try."

Teacher:  "Oh yes he does.  But you know that kids usually behave better when they are with others than at home.  Like with my son, daycare says he's a perfect angel and I'm like, 'Really?  Cause he does not act like that at home.'  And then you know  he's the community peer on Fridays now.  I actually had to have a talk with him after the first class because he was acting out and not providing a good example for the other kids."

umm hmm.  I saw that one coming.

So please stop these mean thoughts I have for my son's teacher.  My jealousy that she's got a kids who's the model child of building construction paper turkeys and gingerbread man, who shares all his toys without crying.  While mine needs special intervention.

Please let this be the end of it so I can just like her without evil thoughts now.


  1. It's the jealousy on our part. I get it. My son is in EI Sped and that's how we understand our world...comparison/contrast. I did it teaching as well. Now that my kid is one of the "sped" hurts.


  2. I see. It's nice to be among others like me.



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