Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Golden Handcuffs

New developments in my search for a better me. Last two weeks ago my lovely hubby sent me a job req for an opening at his company. It is a job that I am almost qualified for, and close enough that I could apply. It would be a big raise, oh about 35k more that what I make right now. So I got really excited about it and was fixing up my resume when I remembered: I hate my line of work. Do I really want to get myself in deeper to the corporate culture? Each time I have slipped into this corporate world I have somehow validated it in my head one way or another. But what I know that it always came down to was the money. I was always lured by the big sounding salaries, "oh they are really going to pay me that? How long can I do this untill they fire me because they realize I have no idea what I'm doing? let's see." And here I am 4 years down the line, and what do I have to show for it, we are just as poor as we were before I sold out. Now we own a house, which I guess is the big purchase and money sucker. But I'm not sure that was such a good idea, I mean, we owe more than it is worth, and the mortgage is so expensive that we can't save money. So I don't feel like we've really progressed in our financial security.
Isn't the definition of insanity 'performing the same task and expecting a different result'? Would a higher paying job doing the same boring work really be the way to make the financial benefit out weigh the emotional cost of spending monotonous soulless hours away from my kids?
Or would we just find another creative way to spend the money and create even more ties to our lives here, like buying a boat...

So I ended up applying for the job. I think that I am wired to try the hard and challenging way. I just want to see what happens and keep my options open, I guess. But I know that I would still not find spiritual peace working in my same profession. I do however think that I would like the new job more than my current one, so that is at least a step in the right direction.

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