Thursday, July 30, 2009

Am I Octamom? and other Scatterbrained Thoughts about Life

Despite feeling content and driven, my mom managed to derail my confidence in a simple sentence. It was a question, "but how are you going to do that and pay for the kids in daycare?" followed by "you'll have to keep them in daycare right." So my loan for grad school will have to be a big one. A really big one. And she expressed her disapproval in her tone. An that deflated the recent elation I've felt since kissing and mailing my grad school application.
So then I started to think, Am I Octamom? Irresponsibly having children before solidifying a career path, and taking out loans to go to grad school, and who knows when I'll have the ability to repay them. How irresponsible is it for me to change career paths midstream and stop contributions to my retirement fund and children's college accounts?
I've been feeling really ironic lately. Ironic because I'm so successful at a time when our economy is faulting and millions of Americans are looking for jobs. I've already gotten an interview for one of the three jobs I applied for before deciding on Acupuncture. And the job is for more money then I'm making now. The same day I got the call for an interview, my ex-boss who I replaced in January, told me that her project is ending in a month and she'll need to find work. I leaked to her that I am planing on leaving in September for grad school. But maybe that was too much irony for her to handle because she did not write me back.
Then I got to thinking. What is success anyway? Isn't it all relative? How much money is enough to say that you are responsibly providing for you family?

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