Thursday, October 8, 2009

Just another dysfunctional family

Being a parent has brought out fear in me. A fear of pretty much everything really; plastic bags, pencils, and window shades, lead residue on ipods, sad faces, and driving fast. I'm always finding myself having this thought in the back of my head, "is that dangerous? isn't that dangerous?" I'm also, disturbingly, finding myself asking, "is this normal? is that normal?" all the time. I thought I was impervious to societal conformist pressure. But, with my kids, I just want to know that I'm not screwing them up too much and that they're not ill.
I think that in the beginning with Kaio I was too strict about making him sleep in his bed by himself. I thought I would be putting him at some kind of developmental disadvantage if I acquiesced to his desires to sleep in our bed so long. Maybe I've learned that I should treasure each day with the love and closeness of my children, or maybe I'm just too exhausted to fight anymore; but I'm not going to battle with Nala about sleeping in our bed right now. Really we just need a bigger bed.
Kaio has been saying that he's 'cold' and 'tired' for a few months now. Daycare and the doctor believe that it is an attention getting tactic. But, I worry. What if I'm neglecting the signs of some grave physiological ailment?
It's so hard to know if I'm doing things right for them. I don't feel like I have a strong support group of successful families to lean on for advice. It seems like most of my peers come from crazy and flawed home situations. Or maybe everyone has a dysfunctional family once you get to know them?!

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