Friday, May 29, 2009

Trying to find myself in my new life

can i really complain about loosing myslf when my sense of self has always been so fluid anyway?  I've been a mom and an IT professional for over two years now already.  It really should be as much a part of my personality as any other part in my life.  And, maybe the being a mom part is.  Since Kaio was born I have felt lots of motherly instinct.  But, my life as a whole feels like the wrong place.  And I remember fleeting moments in my past, memories of traveling, writing, and observing the world.  I cling to these memories and feel like I was really free then.  Maybe because I had no responsibility except what I created myself.  And maybe it wasn't really freedom but self indulgence.  
Now I'm sitting a coffee shop that has a play area for Kaio and Nalini.  I finally do have a second for self reflection and it reminds me of those days. 
but a second after writing that kaio hits his head and nalini starts crying and my moment is over.  time to go.

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