Sunday, March 20, 2011

should have mentioned that before you married me

Let's all go poop in the forest.  It's the thing to do.
Is it too much to expect a child to have some ability to discern appropriate and inappropriate behavior by four years old? 
Sometimes I'm caught in a twisted world.  Unimaginably dysfunctional upside-down scenarios occur in real life and I have no idea how to react.  With all the out of ordinary things I've lived to see, you'd think that nothing would surprise me or catch me off guard.
But then, the kid poops in the woods, in ear and nose range of the neighbor's kids.  

The kids got home full of energy on a beautiful day and we went outside to climb an awesome climbing tree discovered in the back yard.  Kaio's doing the potty dance and I suggest peeing against a tree.  OK maybe that encouraged him, but I truly believe that we should recycle our fluids safely back into the earth.  It fertilizes the plants, and I'd prefer to help the local wildlife than destroy the PH balance of the Potomac river. 
I made that suggestion and he obliged.  But, then midstream he turned and started squat action.  It took a sec to hit me... and then… gross!

Ugh.  So many things going through my head.  I wanted to yell and be mad and spank him for doing something so out of line and disgusting.  But then I knew that I had suggested him relieving himself in the woods, and maybe he really didn't realize that one defecation is acceptable while the other one is not.
So is it too much to expect a four year old to know that pooping on the ground in not ok?  
Mari was home and he came out to take over the situation.   I went to clean up the mess.  I'm so glad he was home because I just did not know what to do.  
Mari's really good with Kaio.  His approach, although sometimes too drill sergeant-like for me, actually compliments Kaio's personality.  No matter how intense the fight gets, they emerge buddies and Kaio tall and proud.  Mari becomes tense and demanding, while maintaining calm and with moderate praise.  This  method pushes Kaio to recognize his responsibility.  Mari's approach has been especially transformational around food. 
Kaio suffers all kinds of manias around food textures.  Avoiding the foods he finds uncomfortable stokes the behavior.  So Mari forces and coaxes him to eat and swallow instead of spitting out.  By the end of the ordeal Kaio is running up to me, "Mom! I eat the broccoli, I'm gonna grow big like a man!  I'm gonna grow strong like a tree!"  Full of pride he boasts.  Sometimes he even asks for Mari to 'make him eat.'  
So Mari took control of the situation and ordered Kaio in the shower.  Nene joined in, cause she loves bathes!
While the kids were entertaining  each other, I vented to Mari about what a crazy kid we have, "How does he not know that's not ok?!" 
Then Mari confessed that he went so far as to poop his pants a couple times as a kid.  He just didn't want to take a break to go to the bathroom until the sensation entered the point of no return. 
"Oh so this is genetic then?" I said.
His response, "I guess I should have mentioned that before you married me." 
"Well were you're parents upset with you?"
And he laughed in a manor clearly intending that all hell broke loose. 
I felt reassured that Mari did even worse than Kaio and still turned into such a great and successful guy.  I also felt reassured that Mari's parents, whom I respect and admire very much,  reacted off the hook as well.  I wasn't crazy for feeling upset.
As the kids played in the bath, Mari and I locked the door and took advantage of the alone time for the third day in a row.  It such is nice when the kids can occupy each other.


  1. cleaning poop off the preschool's nursery walls is what prompted the parenting change for me! i won't go into that here! yup, kids act on impulse.
    poor mama, at least he was outside in his own yard, yes?

  2. yes in the yard. I really need to look into that program you sent me. this month has been crazy tho cause I've had to put in extra hours at work and find tenants to rent our house. hopefully April will be less busy and I can dive into that parenting program.



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