Thursday, December 9, 2010

I'm Mad at You

About a week ago Mari and I had a fight.  or, maybe not a fight because we did not argue about anything.  More like a disruption where I got so mad at him that I didn't talk to him for three days.  That is a really long time, right!  We are generally a pretty happy couple.  I'd even venture to say 90-95% of the time I'm super in love.  So this was the biggest disruption ever.
I'm happy to say that we worked it out and eventually talked it out.  It didn't take long once we started talking!  I guess I'm pretty stubborn.
So here is the deal.  Mari usually pics up Nala from daycare and I pick up Kaio from Montessori.  Every last day of the month Mari works really late and we usually coordinate someone else to pick her up.  I haven't picked her up on the end of the month in at least three months because it has fallen on days that I'm home with the kids anyways.  So this was not at the front of my mind when the end of the month November came.  Mari didn't pick up Nala from daycare and I get a call from the owner at 7pm wondering what is going on.  I didn't realize that it was the end of the month.  I didn't realize that he was not going to pick her up.  He never told me to go get her.  So when I got the call from Nala's daycare, I was completely blindsided.  I called him trying to figure out where he was, and when I called his work, and he answered: I flipped out!  It is so awful to think of Nala wondering where her parents have gone.  I started jumping up and down screaming about how I didn't know that I needed to pick her up.  He hung up on me after my first breath.  I called back and he hung up on me again.  So then I booked it all the way to daycare, just fuming.  I didn't get there until 7:30 at night.  This was the third time that he had not picked her up for some reason and expected me to know that I should do it - without telling me.  I was so mad.   We never agreed that I would always pick her up at the end of the month.  If I had known that was my responsibility then I would set a reminder on my calendar.  And, it is so easy for him to just IM me during the day to remind me.
When he came home and didn't apologize, or bring chocolates, I stayed mad.  I kept to myself and kept quiet.  It seems pretty silly now to hold it in like that.  But I wasn't going to initiate the conversation, he hung up on me twice already.  It was his turn to start talking.
When Saturday came, my friend called to confirm that we were going to dinner with her on Sunday.  I told her about the miscommunication fight.  She agreed that I had a right to be angry, but it needed to end at this point.  "You guys love each other so much, just go have some great make-up sex and figure out what you need to do so that it doesn't happen again."  She threatened to call him if I didn't go make up by the end of the day.  lol.
I was still stubborn though.  I didn't want to talk to him until he apologized to me!
Eventually he did ask what was going on.  "I'm mad at you"  sputtered out of me.
"I'm mad at you because you don't ask for help when you need it.  You don't realize all the things I have to keep track of already.  You inconvenienced Nala's daycare.  All you had to do was tell me to pick her up and I would have done it."
So we talked a bit.  Turns out that when I called him and started screaming, the new boss was sitting next to him.  That's why he hung up and that is why he was mad at me.  I think now he understands that my job has just become too consuming lately for me to retain information longer than a couple hours.  Making the connection that it is the end of the month and that means I have to pick up Nala when I don't usually do it... hmm I dropped the ball on that one.  That day at work was awful for me.  I accidentally deleted a huge website that my team had been working on for months. So I was distraught and just didn't think about it being the end of the month.
So yeah.  I'm going to set a reminder on my calendar!

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